The bench press is a very important muscle builder in the gym. You get to make your triceps look fantastic while sculpting your chest. Curls go a long way toward pumping those biceps. Getting your six-pack on? Better add in some crunches, maybe a few chin-ups for good measure. You’ll be the envy of all your friends!
That shit is almost completely useless when it comes to functionality. No kidding. I’ve seen men who are gym strong beyond belief shaking when holding up a thirty-pound piece of drywall. The muscles used for working out and getting ripped are totally different from those you might use to pull yourself through a first-floor window or carry someone on your shoulder.
You’re probably asking what exercises you should be doing to make sure you aren’t a big puddle of not much when the shit truly hits the fan and spreads out all over the place. Don’t fret. It’s coming.
Sledgehammer Training
This one will build power, stamina, endurance, crazy core strength, etc. If you can beat on a big-ass tractor tire with a twenty-pound sledge for more than a minute, you’re already scarier than I am. This exercise will help when you have to swing a bat at that zombie’s head fifty or sixty times. This turns anyone into a beast given time and effort enough. You can keep track of this one with reps, but timing the exercise will add to the benefits. Go until you can’t. Rest. Do it again.
Battle Rope
You have two fifty-foot 1” thick ropes and you have to make them dance like all hell. Another full body workout in itself, this will strengthen your core and cause enough heavy breathing and sweat that you might just fall over right after you’re done. The other benefit? Cardio badassery so that you can keep moving long after everyone else is still getting up. How long do you want to do this? Start with thirty-seconds and build from there just like a High Intensity Interval Training routine.
The Pull Up
What muscle does the pull up work? All of them, baby. That’s right. This movement is so tried and true that it’s been around since long before we were ever worried about the world ending. I’m pretty sure that this is how Cro-Magnon Man got his workout on. First floor window? You can use the ledge from that one to pull yourself up to the second floor if you can do twenty of these.
Tractor Tire Lift
Remember that tire you were beating on with the hammer? Pull that bad boy back out so that you can lift it up from the ground on one side, flip it over, and repeat. Do this until you’re thinking about what you want to be buried in. That’ll help you lift that pillar off your fellow survivor!
Squats
This is the only gym lift on here for two reasons. Squats make you strong as hell, add to your cardio training, add power to your jumps, and… Well, they suck! Three sets of ten every workout and add five pounds to each set. Get ready to show off your skills when you have to stomp a head to get away from the baddies. Do them slowly to build up your strength and hit muscle fibers you might miss. This time under tension technique will help you hold things up for extended periods of time since sometimes 30 seconds just is not enough!
Don’t forget to drink a gallon of water to recover all that sweat that’s going to pour down your face! If you do this stuff three times a week, or a comparable version of, you’ll be ready to survive the worst of SHF situations. So ditch the gym style weights and go out and grab some strongman equipment to really be ready for the zombie apocalypse.
