I’ve heard the myth of couples that have never gotten into an argument, much less fight. If they’re out there, and they’re real…good for them. But, for the rest of us, there’s always gonna be a spat or two. A lot of times, it won’t be a huge deal, but sometimes it will. The real test of your relationship is going to be whether or not you can move past these things and change. So, today, I’m going to write a short article with a few tips about how I’ve made it work with my gal.
Step One: Is The Argument Worth It
This one is less a tip about growing and moving past it. In fact, it’s probably a little bit counter intuitive to that. But this is something that I think you should still consider. Is what your argument about worth it? Now, I’m not talking about something that will threaten the peace. I’m talking about things like the dishes, the laundry, etc. Would it really be so bad if you did the laundry two weeks in a row? Is that worth an argument? And, if so, you should probably consider looking into why you feel that way. Trust me, if you’re fighting over some leftovers, the problem is bigger than the leftovers.
Step Two: Talk It Out
Okay. So something really -is- bothering you and it needs to be discussed. This seems like a simple tip, but you’d be surprised as to how many people just let it bottle up. I’ve seen first hand what happens when someone explodes, and it’s never pretty. Talk to your partner before you reach that point.
Step Two A: Be Direct
Don’t dance around the subject, and don’t be vague about what you’re unhappy about. This can lead to condescending tones and hostility. On the other end, don’t just mope and pout without addressing your issue. Also, don’t be evasive. Be direct and be honest, otherwise your partner won’t know what they’re doing wrong.
Step Two B: Don’t Place Blame
This is gonna be a tough one, I know. But these statements can be damaging in a relationship. For example, it’s hard to come back from shouting, “You’re completely insane!” Things like that also leads to conversation to becoming a blame game. Statements should be about the behavior that irritates you, not your partner. For example, “I hate that you think I’m being malicious when I don’t do the dishes.” That comes off way better than, “What are you, nuts?!”
Step Three: Resolve It
Don’t be scared to apologize. If they request it, or you think it would help, a simple “I’m sorry,” can go a very long way. And also, wouldn’t you rather not hurt your partner as opposed to being right about something small? I get that this can be challenging, but just think about how the other person feels. Have empathy.
Finally, make sure to change the behavior that causes the issues. If the dishes piling up really is causing such a friction in your life, why not take the time to clean them? Remaining static in your behavior is what lead to this situation in the first place. Change is a sign of growth, don’t be afraid of it.
