I love breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is natural. Breastfeeding my daughter on demand helped us establish a loving trusting relationship that will last a lifetime. But, I had extreme anxiety about breastfeeding in public. I know I’m not alone as a mother that has fears about breastfeeding in public, or even around unsupportive family members. It’s my goal to help normalize breastfeeding and support all mothers breastfeeding in public. It is my hope that one day soon all mothers will feel comfortable breastfeeding in public; with or without a cover, anywhere and anytime your baby is hungry and needs to eat.
My first time breastfeeding in public
I had to face my fears and breastfeed in public the very first time I went shopping with my newborn daughter. Our trip was short but not quick enough for my hungry baby. She escalated from fussing to a full meltdown within moments, and I knew the only thing that would soothe that cry was a tummy full of fresh mama’s milk. She was barley three weeks old and I was a brand new mother. I researched before Florida law before she was born; I was protected, but I was still terrified. Just to avoid confrontation I hid in the curtain section of Bed, Bath & Beyond, sitting cross legged on the floor and facing the corner. If that wasn’t enough to protect us, I then put a blanket over us both.
Looking back, I can see how putting the blanket completely over my head was a little silly. I was honestly so scared someone would say something mean, or ask me to nurse in the bathroom. I hate confrontation, and at that stage I was so vulnerable I would have crawled into a hole to avoid it. Little tip: Aden and Anais muslin blankets work well as a quick throw cover (not over your head) and are large enough to cover quite a bit of Mom and baby. I keep at least one in my diaper bag and can’t tell you how many times I’ve used these blankets while out and about with my daughter. They are truly multi-tasking. Unlike most thin blankets, these actually get softer the more you use and wash them. They’re extremely versatile and I highly recommend adding a few to your baby supplies.
When it doesn’t go well…
I’m very thankful that no ever harassed me, but I think that had more to do with the fact that my protective husband was nearby most of the time. Once I was at the park with my sister and one other mom friend and all of our children ranging in age from eight years old down to 10 days old. We tried to have a nice picnic lunch, and my newborn nephew was hungry too. My sister was exclusively breastfeeding at that time and so the only way she could meet his needs of thirst and hunger was by breastfeeding in public. She was incredibly discreet and sat on a bench with her back turned, as far away from everyone else that was at the park as possible.
Despite the fact that she was just nursing her baby, one of the on-site staff took it upon herself to say something rude to my sister. The woman actually had the nerve to ask her not to do what she was doing. She claimed that children were asking questions. My sister was shocked and in response she tried to turn even farther away from the cruel woman. It was late July in South West Florida and way too hot outside to put a blanket over a newborn. The law in Florida says she can nurse anywhere she and the baby can be without trespassing and clearly says she doesn’t have to be covered!
Even now, eight months later, it still leaves us with negative feelings
I was busy with lunch for all the other kids but when I realized what was happening I walked over and responded, “My sister is feeding her baby. Tell them she is feeding her baby!” She continued talking about something regarding summer camp kids while we turned our back to her, then the woman walked away. I fully regret that I didn’t defend my sister more adamantly. I was honestly shocked that another woman was being so rude and cruel. Instead of having a great first outing to the park for a new mom and baby, our memory was spoiled. Even now, eight months later, it still leaves us with negative feelings.
Don’t be THAT person
The woman’s actions were totally uncalled for and completely wrong! Breastfeeding is totally normal, natural and legal in public with or without a cover. If you’re reading this and you don’t support breastfeeding in public, PLEASE keep your feelings to yourself. Announcing that you are offended is admitting that you cannot control your own emotions and you need others to do it for you. Don’t be that person.
Forty-nine states, the District of Columbia and the Virgin Islands have laws that specifically allow women to breastfeed in any public or private location. Twenty-nine states, the District of Columbia and the Virgin Islands exempt breastfeeding from public indecency laws. Twenty-eight states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico have laws related to breastfeeding in the workplace. Seventeen states and Puerto Rico exempt breastfeeding mothers from jury duty or allow jury service to be postponed. Six states and Puerto Rico have implemented or encouraged the development of a breastfeeding awareness education campaign. Find more information about your states laws here: http://www.ncsl.org/research/health/breastfeeding-state-laws.aspx
I’m still really angry about the way my sister was treated but I’m more disappointed because it wasn’t just an isolated incident. Thankfully my sister and I had strong support at home. We didn’t allow fears or negative experiences to put an end to our breastfeeding journeys.
PLEASE support the mothers around you
Tragically, not all new mothers are as lucky. Men and women feel they have a right to confront, harass and shame breastfeeding mothers all the time. In preparation for writing this article I polled my social media audience and some of the stories were heartbreaking. One 38 year old mother of four shared: “I didn’t get to breastfeed as long as I wanted to because I had anxiety about confrontation with breastfeeding in public. My brother acted like I needed to be covered in front of him in my own home. My significant other didn’t want anyone to catch a glimpse at what he considered to be his breasts.”
Sadly her story was very common. Lots of mothers shared about facing anxiety and even panic attacks because they had no support and only criticism from family. Too many mothers shared that they stopped breastfeeding because of these issues, and more all related to breastfeeding in public. The fact is babies need to eat, and life happens fast. New mothers cannot spend all their time sitting alone in private so sometimes babies need to breastfeed in public.
Cover, or don’t -whatever makes you comfortable!
The very first time I breastfed in public I threw a blanket over both of us. I don’t recommend it, there are lots of better nursing cover options available. My goal is to normalize breastfeeding, especially in public, so that all mothers feel comfortable nursing anytime and anywhere they need to feed their babies. But I also understand that some women feel more comfortable using a cover. To help save you a little time and money I’ve spent the past two years testing various styles.
My favorite style is the infinity scarf. It’s stylish enough to wear all the time if you want. Already having it on is super convenient especially when your baby is screaming and impatient to nurse. They are available in different patterns and materials, and some are even stretchy. You can wear it a couple of different ways depending on what position you choose to breastfeed.
Another great option is the apron style breastfeeding cover. They have a rigid neckline that holds the material open so that you and baby can see each other. The neck opening is also nice because it allows for better air-flow. They only cover part of your body instead of wrapping around which can be cooler. But, it also makes it easier for your baby to kick off the cover and accidentally expose you. Both the infinity scarf and the apron style are machine washable. Which is great in case you happen to use it in a restaurant and spill your food on it, not that I’ve ever done that …
Get a Fan!
Another great tip for breastfeeding in public is to use a fan. A fan is a huge help if you choose to cover or not, especially when you live somewhere hot and humid and you will be breastfeeding in public while outdoors. We went through several fans that took AAA or AA batteries until we found this one that’s powered by Rechargeable 2600mAh Battery or USB. We went to Bush Gardens and ran it on high all day and it lasted for a solid eight hours straight. The other fans would burn through batteries in two hours or less. Go for the rechargeable and buy two extra batteries to keep them charged at all times so you never run out of cool breeze!
I hope I’ve inspired and empowered you to get out there and breastfeed in public. One of the best ways to normalize breastfeeding is for more mothers to do it, so more people see it. Be brave! I believe in you!
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed part 5 in this series.
Please be sure to check out:
1- What is Breastfeeding all about? ,
2- Who should Breastfeed and Why?
Coming soon: MamaBre’s tips for breastfeeding success.
